If you're coming to Man Church on Wednesday, February 10, 2010, you better be ready for the first ever Man Church ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS Championship. Everyone who attends will play. Here are the rules... Rock beats Scissors; Scissors beats Paper; Paper beats Rock. You tie...you die (both players lose). It's that simple. All men, 1,000+ will play.

This is the largest known Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship in the world. The "World Championships" were held in November, 2009 in Toronto, and they had 547 participants. We'll have more.

We will have prizes for the top 8, top 4, top 2. You won't believe the Grand Prize for the Champion - it will be worth the price of admission just to see that.

Free burgers at 6:00. Rock, Paper, Scissors starts at 6:55 (sharp), and Man Church will start at 7:00'ish. Bubba Thurman will speak, and he's ready. He's pumped. He's psyched. Frankly, he's obnoxious, he's so excited. Tell your friends - Man Church. Don't miss it.

Man Church was great again. Here are some highlights:

Stroope was terrific (again). Trust in God because... God is in control; God knows what we do not know; and God loves you. Line of the night: Our definition of "good" is "comfort;" while God defines "good" as anything that helps us "conform to the image of His Son." Steve didn't cuss, too, which is always a bonus.

Joel and the Man Band were on fire. U2's Beautiful Day was the perfect opening song, and the worship was really great. Joel is a fantastic worship leader - we're fortunate to have him.

Singing "Your grace is amazing, amazing to me - You know me so well, yet your love sets me free," I was thinking about all the things I regularly do that are so bad, and God knows them all and still loves me. If my wife knew them all, she'd be pissed. God, however, knew them even before He sent his Son to pay the price for my stupidity.

Jason Cole (audio) really cranks up the volume. I know some guys don't like that (especially the older one's (my father-in-law would HATE IT)), but it's important. Guys need to sing to God, but it does not come natural. Actually, we sing all the time if no one is around. We'll sing in the shower, in our car - ALONE. So, if I know the guy next to me can hear me, I won't sing, or certainly won't sing loud. But, if I can't even hear myself, then I can belt out real praise - they way it's supposed to be sung. I know it shouldn't matter what others think, but it does.

The media team is really, really good. There are 15 or so who work while we enjoy Man Church. They're also very nice. Kevin reminds me every month of our deadline for getting stuff to him, and every month I bring something late, and every month he's nice about it, even when I know they say bad things about me when I'm not around. That's OK - everybody does that, and I'm totally comfortable with it.

Saw a guy eating a double-meat, double-cheese burger loaded with mayo, mustard and ketchup. I'd have taken a picture of his face, with yellow, orange and red slobber coming out both sides of his mouth, but I'm trying to offend less people in 2010 (one of my 147 resolutions).

The gym was closed to us, so the LakePointe Sports basketball kids could practice. A little girl walked through the huge crowd at the hamburger line, walked toward the gym, looked at her mom and said, "are all these people here to watch us practice?"

Lots and lots of questions at the end - and we didn't have time for 1/3 of them. It's a shame, too, as they were really good questions, and I would have stayed much longer to hear Steve's answer.

Funny the way God gets your attention. At lunch yesterday, a friend gave me Chad Henning's (Dallas Cowboys - 3 Superbowl rings) new book, "Rules of Engagement." Then, a guy came up at Man Church and said, "I heard Chad Hennings on the radio today - he'd be good for Man Church." Two minutes later, another guy in the PR business said, "We're representing Chad Hennings, and he'd like to come to Man Church." OK, God, I get it. So, we're going to book Chad Hennings to speak to Man Church in May or October. We'll let you know.

We've decided that "Manure" is our new Man Church word for BS. So, for those of you who have potty mouths (you know who we are), strike the BS from your vocabulary and substitute "manure." It's not as strong, but it's more encompassing. BS comes only from bulls, but manure comes from all cows, so there's about 80% more manure than BS. Repeat after me...manure...manure...manure. I especially liked how the guy on the video said it... man-UR, instead of the Texas way - man-YUR. Taking the Y out makes it sound less french, and I always like that.

Next month, February 10, is the first ever ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS Championship, and I wasn't kidding when I said we'd have fun prizes for the finalists, and GREAT prizes for the champion.

After multiple reports of women trying to sneak into Man Church, Man Church has implemented various security measures to ensure that all Man Church men are men. Man Church men should expect long lines in the hamberger lines. We have to make sure all the men eating Man Church burgers are men. Man Church men should also expect delays entering the Man Church auditorium, as new state-of-the-art screening procedures will be in effect.

Some past breaches have increased concern:

* Two non-men were admitted to a past Man Church after successfully guessing the Man Church password, "MC1234"
* A group of women claiming to be the Philadelphia Eagles football team were taken on an exclusive tour that included the special and secret Man Church burger recipe
* After managing to slip past the Man Church security detail explicitly designed to keep out wives of Man Church men, Liz Beauchamp was heard saying, "I don't know what all the fuss is about."
* Man Church security discovered a hose attached to an outdoor spigot after the last Man Church and followed it across to the parking lot the Bed, Bath and Beyond.

New security procedures include, but are not limited to:

* Checking all Man Church men for underarm hair. No hair under arm - no admittance - no exceptions.
* All Man Church men will be asked if they prefer the toilet paper to roll over the role, or from the bottom of the role. Only those who prefer the toilet paper to roll over the role will be admitted.
* All Man Church men will be asked who their favorite dancer is on "Dancing With the Stars." If they give a name, any name, it ain't happening.

The next MAN CHURCH is Wednesday, JANUARY 13, 2010. Burgers at 6:00; Man Church at 6:56. Pastor Steve Stroope is speaking on the topic, "What to Do When Things Get Tough." Don't miss it.

Man Church has been asked to help serve concessions at the Fall Festival next Friday night, 10/23. We need 30 men who will come and work, probably from 5:00 p.m. until it's over (maybe two shifts of 15, - one set-up and work 1/2, the other work 1/2 and cleanup.

If you can PLEASE be one of these heros, would you contact us immediately? Contact either (or both) gbeech@mac.com or Lance Chisholm at triple_net@hotmail.com

Who needs Man Church? The simple answer would be something trite, like, "All men need Man Church." That just sounds so generic, so bland that it is the opposite of our Man Church style. Man Church is real - it's direct - it's a little funny mixed with in-your-face. With that in mind, for the first time ever, Man Church will name some actual people who really need Man Church. If you don't see your name here, come anyway. If you do see your name, you HAVE TO BE AT MAN CHURCH, TOMORROW NIGHT (WEDNESDAY, 10/14):

Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Josh, Daniel, Alex, Anthony, William, Chris, Matthew, Andrew, Joseph, David, Noah, James, Ryan, Logan, John, Nathan, Christian, Ben, John, Tyler, Sam, Nicholas, Dylan, Jack, Brandon, Evan, Jack, Kevin, Jose, Luke, Landon, Justin, Zachary, Jordan, Robert, Aaron, Tom, Hunter, Austin, Connor, Jason, Wyatt, Charles, Carter, Juan, Chase, Adam, Henry, Bryan, Sean, Cole, Alex, Eric, Brian, Kyle, Tommy, Harvey, Tim, Barry, Russ, Brad, Lance, Bill, Brad, Steve, Scott and Gary.

Seriously, if your name is listed above, you really need Man Church. The rest of us do, too, but not as bad.

There are three things you never want to hear from your doctor:

1) It's my first day as a doctor.

2) I'm legally blind without my glasses.

3) I never lost a malpractice cast - yet.

We have a family friend who doesn't go to church, because church people are all hypocrites. Duh! Of course we're all hypocrites. We don't go to church because we're perfect. We go to church because we're screwed up. All of us. That's especially true of Man Church. The thing that makes it great is that we can all admit we have issues. I don't care who you are, you have issues. And if you say you don't, then your ego and sense of self-righteousness is your biggest issue.

This month, we deal with issues. So, bring yours, and get ready to face it. It's not hard, and you don't have to be afraid.

Nate Larkin, author of Samson and the Pirate Monks is our guest speaker, and he's good. Really good. Burgers at 6:00; Man Church at 6:56.

"The Inside Scoop"

By Greg Beauchamp

Many of you have expressed interest in knowing "The Inside Scoop." What really happens behind the scenes at Man Church? How are decisions made? What are some of the funny things that happen that no one knows about?

Against my better judgement, and against the advice of my closest personal advisors, I will oblige. Here's what happens...NOTHING. The fact that Man Church happens at all is a minor miracle. That's not really true, but I get way more credit than I deserve.

For instance, last month, Steve Stroope, Pastor of LakePointe Church was the speaker. But the speaker was supposed to be Bill Cosby. We thought that he would be a nice surprise to kick off Man Church season three. Unfortunately, Mr. Cosby was unable to attend. It appears he's "too busy" to come to Man Church, even though we didn't actually even ask him, and could never afford him. So, Steve went ahead and spoke. He did a great job...probably better than Bill Cosby would have done, but Cosby would have been funnier. He's a professional comedian, for goodness sake. You see, my plan was to ask Steve to speak, then, at the last minute, call him to say, "Steve, you'll never believe this, but Bill Cosby will come and speak for free at Man Church." I suspected that Steve, being an humble guy, would graciously back out. But when Bill never showed, I just went ahead and let Steve speak. Those are some behind-the-scenes facts no one would have even guessed. But, hey, Man Church is REAL, you know what I mean? We tell it like it is, baby!

Last May, Wes Hamilton spoke when George Bush, the former president just failed to even call and say he wouldn't be with us. While we never got around to inviting the former president, it would have been nice for him to at least call. So, Wes spoke, instead, and did good. Not quite a household name like George Bush, but at least Wes is reliable!

In November, I'm pretty sure that Josh Hamilton or Tim Tebow will be speaking. I promise that if one of them shows up and says, "Can I speak at Man Church," we'll be ready to say, "Of course - we expected you!" I would never in a million years ask Josh or Tim (one's still playing - one's through for the year). I guess it's being authentic to admit that our plan has always been to get a really good backup, invite them to speak, and hope a really "Big Name" surprises us. Look, if you don't shoot for the stars, you'll never hit an eagle (which, by the way, is illegal, unless you're in France).

For a true story, this month, we'll have Nate Larkin speak. Nate's book, "Samson and the Pirate Monks," is a must-read for every Christian man. He is a powerful speaker, and we're fortunate to have him. I take all the credit, and deserve none. About a year ago, Wes Hamilton gave me the Samson book. I read it, then bought five more for my sons, and some friends. About nine months ago, Wes said, "I've got a friend... do you want me to see if we can get Nate Larkin to speak?" I, being the brilliant leader that I am said, "Duh." About a month later, Wes said, "Nate will come but you need to call him." Three weeks later, Wes said, "Have you called Nate?" I finally called him, and he agreed to come.

This is the way everything happens at Man Church. Someone comes up with a great idea, and it happens in spite of me. God is funny that way. I get lots of credit, but about the only thing I do is stand up at Man Church and try to say something intelligant inteligent intellagant smart. It's not as easy at it looks.

We always wonder if men will actually show up, and are amazed when they do. Every month, guys show up earlier than me to cook burgers, set up tables, and generally get things done. The media team is AWESOME, and no one ever really sees them, but they are the reason we hear or see anything. Joel Warren and the Man Band talk, plan, practice, and do a great job.

Lance Chisholm has been a true hero. No one takes more time off, and invests more energy than Lance, and he is a true Man's Man. If one of us is most like Jesus, it's Lance Chisholm.

The communications department at LakePointe come up with designs and production of the t-shirts (we have a great one coming - bring $10 - you're gonna want one).

Come hear Nate Larkin this week, October 14. 6:00 p.m. burgers; 6:56 Man Church starts in the main auditorium of LakePointe Church, Rockwall, TX.